Items, weapons, and armor in Baldur’s Gate 3 are invaluable, and you can’t beat (or enjoy) the game without them. But while searching for the next upgrade to your current equipment, keep an eye out for subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) items with a little bit of Larian Studios’ humor behind them.
The items on this list aren’t ranked in any particular order. Some items are actually very useful, otherwise, this would be a list of useless jokes and easter eggs. But with the right creative thinking that Baldur’s Gate 3 rewards so well, even the silliest of items can become a powerful boon in the right player’s hands.
Reverse Rain Cloak
The flavor text of this uncommon cloak describes that it just…makes the person wearing it a bit wet. It really does apply the Wet status effect to any character wearing it, which seems useless at first glance, but being Wet in and out of combat can be useful if used correctly.
For example, the Wet status effect provides you with resistance to Fire damage, meaning you’ll only take half damage from Fire-based spells, attacks, traps, and environmental effects. It also stops burning. Being a little damp is incredibly useful when fighting fire-based enemies like Lava Elementals. You can find this soggy cloak at the Circus of Last Days in Act 3, outside the Lower City in the town of Rivington.
Staff Of A Mumbling Wizard
Of the items on this list, this quarterstaff is probably the most useful with the fewest drawbacks when using it. The Staff of a Mumbling Wizard can be won as a prize from Akabi’s Wheel of Wonders at the Circus of Last Days. The staff grants the wielder two weapon abilities upon equipping it: Topple and Firebolt? The staff’s flavor text describes the Wizard who enchanted the staff as a ‘compulsive mumbler’, so the staff can’t always tell if it should cast Firebolt or Fireball.
Firebolt is a cantrip that deals 1d10 Fire damage, but Fireball is a level 3 Spell that deals 3d6 Fire damage. The staff casts one of the two spells at random whenever you use the Firebolt? ability.
Boots Of Very Fast Blinking
Misty step is one of the most useful spells in Baldur’s Gate 3: it allows you to reach new areas, avoid attacks, sneak by enemies, and steal everything bolted down. A rogue with Misty Step is a slippery menace. Once again these boots are a prize from Akabi’s Wheel of Wonders at the Circus of Last Days.
These uncommon boots grant Misty Step once per turn, which is an extremely powerful tool to have with essentially infinite uses. However, if you tend to skim the flavor text of items you won’t notice that the condition of constantly Misty Stepping is that the wearer’s clothes tend to get left behind. Using the Boots of Very Fast Blinking to Misty Step will leave your character in the buff.
Eternal Carafe Of Wine (Or Sometimes Acid)
This utility potion is exactly what it sounds like. Drinking from this carafe will either give you the drunken condition or hit you with the Caustic Brine condition, dealing 1d4 acid for a turn. The gamble may not seem worth it, but paired with the Amulet of the Drunkard, the acid damage is negligible.
The Amulet of the Drunkard can be bought from Hoots Hooligan at Sharess’ Caress in Wyrm’s Crossing. This amulet causes the wearer to regain 2-8 hit points each turn if they are drunk, and increases their drunkeness to last for 5 turns. To really finish off your drunken set, pick up the Punch-Drunk Bastard greatclub in the back room of The Waning Moon in Act 2 to do some extra damage while drunk. Once more the Eternal Carafe of Wine (Or Sometimes Acid) can be won from Akabi at the Circus of Last Days.
Unlucky Thief’s Gloves
How could a pair of gloves that grant +2 to Sleight of Hand possibly hurt? They don’t cause any harm immediately, at least. Another prize from Akabi’s Wheel at the Circus of Last Days, these uncommon gloves will quietly deposit a lump of coal in the wearer’s inventory for every item they steal.
No big deal, right? Wrong: after stealing 20 times the coal will ignite and inflict the Burning condition for 1 turn. This item’s +2 Sleight of Hand buff may not be worth the self-immolation.
Nut Buster & Poo Scraper
Yes, these items exist in the game. While they have no special effects (other than being funny), they’re a neat little easter egg to pick up when you visit the Blighted Village in Act 1. The rock and knife (respectively) can be found under the Apothecary’s Shop in the Blighted Village and are looted from the various coffins and skeletons in the little underground cave.
Poo Scraper is a functional knife, which is at least of some value, but Nut Buster is just a rock. Rocks are throwable objects, so it could be used to add insult to injury if you pelt an enemy with it.
A loveable familiar named Shovel can be found from a scroll in the same cellar below the Apothecary’s Shop in the Blighted Village. From one of the caskets you can loot a Scroll of Summon Quasit, which will summon a delightful little demon named Shovel. Don’t use a wizard to ‘learn’ the scroll’s spell, or it will be destroyed and you won’t be able to summon her again. Instead, talk to Shovel and she’ll teach you a permanent spell to summon her any time.
Shovel has unique dialogue and some fun interactions, along with being a good sneaky familiar who can become invisible. In the same casket you find her scroll you’ll also find Shovel’s Friend Finder (a shovel) and a Friend (a skull with a cute face painted on).
Clown Hammer
Finally, all your clown dreams can come true: with the face painting kit and Clown Hammer in hand you can bring joy to the Sword Coast. This hammer doesn’t honk when it strikes anything unfortunately, but it does act as a versatile weapon dealing 1d8+2 Bludgeoning damage if wielded one-handed or 1d10+2 Bludgeoning damage if wielded with two hands.
This hammer is dropped by Dribbles the Clown in Rivington after his appearance at the Circus of Last Days. What makes this hammer special is the Grim Irony feature: whenever the hammer lands a critical hit, both the wielder and the target have to succeed Wisdom saving throws or be affected by uncontrollable laughter. It’s a trade-off.
Surprise-Based Teddy Bear
This fluffy little grenade can be found in Rivington in Act 3 and is encountered as part of the quest to Investigate The Suspicious Toys. If you pick up the innocent-looking bear you’ll find yourself with a single-use grenade that will explode on impact, dealing 6d6 Fire damage to all creatures in range.
The Surprise-Based Teddy Bear can be found in the Flaming Fist-run barn of donations to refugees. You’ll have to sneak or bluff your way in to investigate for the quest, and you’ll spot the Suprise-Based Teddy Bear in a crate of toys in a far corner.
Honorable Mentions
There are dozens of funny and flavorful items in Baldur’s Gate 3, but not all of them can make the list. Some notable mentions include the following:
- Bag Of Moulding: A bag that makes anything put into it moldy.
- Scroll Of Otto’s Irresistable Dance: casts the level 6 spell to cause the target to dance uncontrollably.
- Bigboy’s Chew Toy: A quarterstaff with an ability called Whossa Large Fellow, allowing the wielder to enlarge themselves temporarily.
- Iron Flask: An innocent-looking iron flask that unleashes a Spectator when opened.
The writers at Larian Studios put a lot of detail into Baldur’s Gate 3 that may often be overlooked. Take your time enjoying the game and let yourself slow down enough to read the flavor text to find some real hidden gems on your adventure.