The Long And Winding Road of Beedle, Tears Of The Kingdom’s Mop-Top Merchant

Hi, it’s me, the grammar police. Today let’s take a look at the innocuous word: beetle. For some reason, people just can’t seem to spell it correctly. Two noteworthy instances come to mind: one, an obscure English band, and the other, a ubiquitous merchant in one of Nintendo’s longest running series. Out of the two cases, it’s the latter that remains an absolute enigma.

First introduced to fans in 2002’s excellent The Wind Waker, Beedle, the mostly-shirtless sales-man, has been involved in seven of The Legend of Zelda’s games as the king of commerce, the most recent being Tears of the Kingdom. So how did a seemingly inconsequential peddler or goods wind up in some of the series’ most crucial titles? Excellent question, but perhaps a better one would be who is this guy really? What charming staying power must he wield to last this long?

Renowned for over-the-top responses like “Ohhhhhh” and “THANK YOU!” and his unparalleled work ethic—even during Hyrule’s apocalypse—I’ve always wondered what a (ahem)…day in the life would look like for this indispensable NPC. With that in mind, let’s perform a little narrative experiment to try and fill in some of Beedle’s gaps, shall we? (NOTE: none of this is canon, OK?)

The Man, The Myth, The Beedle

They called him Beedle, and for good reason. He loved insects more than he loved his fellow Hylians, with his prized possessions being a rare Horned Colossus Beetle that he kept in a cage in his flying balloon shop and a triangle trinket he wore around his neck. As Skyloft’s number one—and only—merchant, life was good, but business was slow; almost too slow. All day, while powering his hovering boutique by bike, Beedle would dream about expanding his small-time operation to the unknown lands beneath the clouds, where there were supposedly as many customers as bugs to be had.

One sunny afternoon, a somber young elf in a green cap rang the bell hanging down from Beedle’s flying store, climbed up the rope, and changed everything. It’d been weeks, no months, since he’d had a customer. This elf, armed with a sword and shield, didn’t say much. He glanced around at the inventory, stared extra intently at Beedle’s trinket and then turned to leave. Later, the strange warrior came back, purchasing various items like hearts, a bug net, and bombs, virtually buying out all of Beedle’s inventory. My luck must be changing, thought Beedle, excitedly. That night, Beedle had strange dreams about demons that made his neck burn, and when he awoke, Skyloft was long gone and the future was all around.

Years later, while sitting cross-legged and topless in the Hyrule Town Market, Beedle had to admit that life on solid ground had been much better for business. His irresistible charm and propensity for showing skin had earned him a loyal following, and even a date or two with the witch’s cute apprentice, Maple. Was all his luck because of that elf boy, or something else? At that moment, Beedle felt a searing pain on his collarbone so sharp that he didn’t even acknowledge the young customer in a Phrygian cap standing on his rug of wares. He made a mental note to go and see Maple for some soothing ointment later.

Just like that song, Can’t Buy Me Love, Beedle soon found that no amount of rupees could replace his growing feelings for the young sorceress. Due to the exorbitant prices for rent around the castle grounds, the two lovebirds bought a fixer-upper on the outskirts of Gerudo Valley with Beedle’s accrued wealth and set up a roadside stall for pilgrims making the annual trek to see the Princess. Business was markedly less than before, but it gave the couple plenty of alone time together and soon nature took its course. Beedle’s relentless zeal matched with Maple’s magical abilities spawned over 20 little baby Beedles, each with a massive nose and similar tendency to shun clothing.

The Plot Thickens

However, one night, Beedle was jerked awake by the sounds of his wife screaming in her sleep. Upon waking, Maple admitted that it was a prophetic nightmare about a giant flood covering everything in Hyrule and begged Beedle to flee their home first thing in the morning.

Fearing for the lives of his loved ones, Beedle packed up their belongings and led his family up to the highest point in Hyrule: Death Mountain. It was a long and arduous journey, filled with rolling boulders, ash, and general dread. At last, they reached a suitable plateau overlooking Hyrule Field that was jointly occupied by the gigantic Goron, Biggoron. As Beedle was the cheapest source for bombs that helped to clear away pesky boulders, he was a known friend of the Gorons. The reunion was brief and bittersweet, and they all turned their heads to witness the surreal events taking place below.

Enormous heavenly hands reached down through the clouds, pouring rushing channels of water into the fields, fulfilling Maple’s dream. Beedle held his family close as their humble home was washed away in the deluge. In no time, water rose up the mountain to an alarming degree but stopped short of their rocky sanctuary. “It’s all because of him, you know”, Maple mumbled cryptically. Beedle’s trinket was red-hot. It was time for answers.

What charming staying power must he wield to last this long?

Later, in the warmth of the crater, Maple’s powers of necromancy helped to uncover the secret of Beedle’s ancestry. It turned out that he was the result of a forbidden union between the demon-turned-human Batreaux, and a fourth secret goddess, Caelia, whose power was—shockingly—charisma. As wild as it sounded, her goofy mop-top husband was not only connected to the Hero of legend, the goddess Hylia and the essence of evil, Demise, but he was blessed with a fourth piece of the Triforce idly swinging around his neck. No wonder he was such a successful salesman with supernatural-like swagger!

A Hero’s Jorney: Complete

The years passed by on the cliffs and Beedle and his family fished together, fought together and—praise be to Caelia!—were able to grow together into an eerily identical-looking army of Beedles. Finally, on his cold hard mountain deathbed, Beedle ordered that the trinket be smashed and divided among each of his clone-like sons. He kissed them and, with the blessing of the Triforce, gave them all inside business secrets that would maximize their profit and cut down on their overhead expenses. His boys would not only survive in this watery cell-shaded Hyrule, but would thrive with better graphics in a subsequent open-world setting. His face tired from smiling, Beedle closed his eyes, held his witch-wife by his side, and happily slipped into the realm of legend.

And that, my friends, was the beginning of the Beedles. Now, you may have a qualm or two about the timeline, but I’m pretty sure that we can…come together in the end. Oh! Darling, I’m done here. THANK YOU!